Kuss, baiser, potseluy, bacio, beso, kiss. Whether you’re German, French, Russian, Italian, Spanish or just one of the 1.5 billion people who speak English on this planet (only 360 million as their first language), you will no doubt have been employing the technique even more than usual a couple of days ago. It seems Valentine’s Day has become a universal excuse for everyone to tell each other how much they love each other and then shower them with anything from a two cheek peck, to a lip pout, to the wet sloppy version, to the full tongue inter-twine with accompanying moans. It set me wondering how and why homo-sapiens latched onto the concept?
I am not David Attenborough, nor even a pale imitation (although I can do a passable impersonation of him) so please don’t take any of this as even vaguely scientific, but purely from my personal observations I can’t really recall any members of the animal kingdom indulging in pre-coital snogging. Plenty of fish have positively bottoxed lips, but have you ever seen them joined in pisceal (my word) union? The white rhino has splendid wide chompers, but they tend to get the horn before lips can meet. Can you visualise two elephants getting their trunks in such a knot that they might never get to the mating bit? You’d think the wide-mouthed frog might be an obvious candidate but they are shy and rare creatures about whom research is distinctly lacking. I rather think I might have seen chimpanzees making amorous advances with open mouths, but I’m not sure now whether that’s for real or just in my imagination? It would seem therefore that it’s something that homus erectus developed at some dim and distant point in our history, perhaps when dinosaurs still roamed the Earth. But how did it first happen? Caveman has just worked hard for three days to make the kill that will keep the memsahib going for a week or two, when he drags her back to the cave by her hair for a bit of post-hunt coitus and suddenly has an overwhelming urge to stick his tongue down her throat before impaling her in the more traditional fashion? There must be something in our DNA that makes us do it, but where did it come from?
Where’s Dr Desmond Morris when you need him?
At what point does a kiss morph from a greeting to a gentle sign of affection to something more erotic? The traditional European peck on each cheek, or even three pecks, is merely shaking hands without having to take your gloves off. One’s body shape is important at this point too. The “hands on shoulders, bottom stuck out” grip is definitely a “nice to see you (ish), but don’t go getting any funny ideas that we could actually be mates”. Once the body straightens and possibly even makes contact with the greetee everything changes. This could well go with a lip to lip meeting, but only briefly, with no risk of a lipstick transfer. Once arms go around the shoulders and bodies meet in a definite crushing motion it’s decision time. Is this merely a warm hug between friends, in which case cheek to cheek with minimal or no lip contact is definitely de rigeur, or is it a sign of deeper emotions, where the joining of open lips could lead to something much more exciting?
I fear though that I have not really answered my initial question, as to where this urge originated from? Animals have intercourse strictly to procreate, apparently. When did it become fun and why the tongue bit? Why, too do humans (mainly women I would suggest without being too sexist) like to kiss their pets, as if the little pooch is going to appreciate or even comprehend such public displays of affection?
There’s a lot more research required and some deeper probing into the subject I fancy.
ADayInTheStrifeOf 