Isn’t it odd how people often think that translucent bathroom windows will conceal them from prying eyes outside. As I sit in one of my favourite spots in Eastbourne, a window seat in the lovely Barley Sugar Cafe and Deli, directly in my eyeline on the fourth floor of a nearby block of flats a couple (and for transparency it’s a man and a woman) are clearly visible as they stand close to the window, doing things to each other that men and woman have done to each other since Adam met Eve in the Garden of Eden and that wicked serpent persuaded them to do the things that men and women have been doing ever since. Does this qualify as public indecency? After all it is in the comfort, or discomfort, of their own home; not in an archway overlooking Bath Rugby Club’s Recreation Ground or in a secluded spot at the back of the Parish Church or any other such populated place. I mean, who would do that! But if it has the potential to cause offence to members of the public is it an offence? Is standing totally naked in a large picture window overlooking Eastbourne pier, as a friend of mine witnessed recently with coy interest, an affront to public decency? In my time before the Colours, which admittedly was over thirty years ago, PDA or Public Displays of Affection were seriously frowned upon and that included the joining of lips where tongues were involved. Seemingly now pretty much anything goes. Well, maybe not the Full Monty, although Alison (my wife) did happen upon a couple of blokes, at unexpectedly close range, going at it hammer and tongs in our local dog-walking woods recently. I’m not sure who was more surprised. Whilst it’s great that people of any persuasion can now do what they like with consenting adults, has the pendulum perhaps swung a little too far in terms of PDAs? I heard tell recently of a couple on a train (and I’ll avoid being too specific to protect the innocent) who were clearly having sex, covered only by a skimpy raincoat. The curtailed squeals of orgasmic pleasure from the blonde apparently left little to the imagination; and that was the bloke. On the other hand, who doesn’t like outdoor sex? The feel of a warm sun beating down on bare bottoms, chilled Chablis in hand, with gradual titillation turning the day ever hotter….what could be better. I guess the key is to be inventive about location and avoid the secluded woodland spot where a curiously sniffing dog might attract its owner in your direction. Needless to say for some the danger of being caught adds a frisson of excitement to the adventure. It would make a fascinating survey to know what percentage of the population have never done it outdoors? How many just once? How many are regular practitioners? Have you?…….be honest!
The couple who fired my imagination have long since retired, whether to bed, bath or kitchen table I can only surmise, so it’s time for another of Daisy’s unsurpassed almond lattes and a chat with the landlord about hockey sticks. You wouldn’t believe how much you can pay now for a one hundred per cent graphite stick; even without the gold trimmings the top of the range comes in at £230, unless you have a crafty, barely teenage son, who can negotiate a serious discount, or even a sponsored freebie. It’s amazing how some people have that happy knack.
ADayInTheStrifeOf 