30 million. (The Tories) I’ll see your 30 and raise it. (The Libs Dems) I’ll see your 60 and make a decision based on the science. (Labour. That’s a really effective piece of electioneering). First it was the NHS, then Broadband, now it’s saving the planet. At first glance, electioneers touting for business based on how many million trees they will plant might seem somewhat perverse. How about housebuilding, new/repaired roads, a revamped education system, the list goes on. But of course it’s not just about trees. Global warming and its many undesirable (apparently) effects is a highly topical (not to mention tropical) subject that is a potentially huge vote-winner, without much of a downside. Almost everyone agrees that we need to absorb more carbon dioxide and/or stop producing so much.
Have you ever planted a tree or two? If so you will know that it actually requires quite a lot of effort. Imagine multiplying that by 30 million….or SIXTY million! That is a LOT of effort. The Tories aimed for half that last time round and have failed to meet even that relatively modest target. Boris the Bountiful will have to forego Boodles for a night or two and roll up his sleeves, along with half the rest of the population. I have a cheaper and more realistic proposal. Boris needs to persuade his mate The Donald to invade South America and build a wall round the Amazon rain forest, which, as the lungs of the world, are now so nicotine stained that emphysema is imminent, closely followed by death. I am amazed nobody has thought of that.
Returning to my barber theme in No 60, I was fascinated to learn on Radio 4 yesterday that the French love to go to the hairdressers. Apparently one million of them go to get coiffured every day. One million! On average, that means that every single French man, woman and child goes to Toni and Guy once every two months, roughly. Only bakers outdo hairdressers in France amongst the artisan classes. They calculate there are 85,000 of the latter, with a fairly high proportion only gaining ‘average’ on their report cards with a significant number ranking ‘poor’ or worse. They reportedly conceal their inadequate cutting skills with fancy curling, dyeing and blowdrying. Interestingly, it seems traditionally chic French women in particular are losing their lust for hours under the blower and those red and white curly poles are disappearing at an alarming rate. It perhaps serves as an interesting comparison between our two countries. France is eschewing haircare, while Britain is losing pubs at an equally alarming rate. Still, we are producing great wine and ‘champagne’, just to upset Macron and his army of viticulturists.
Bernd (pronounced burnt) is quite a common name in German speaking countries. Whilst watching the dramatic final round of the Nedbank Challenge, a big golf tournament at Sun City in South Africa, my egghead son has just asked if Mr and Mrs Wiesberger (rhymes with cheeseburger….) thought wisely before naming their son Bernd. On that totally unrelated thought, I’m off to bury an acorn or two.
ADayInTheStrifeOf 