Our next door neighbour, a former British Gas engineer has launched out on his own. His initial plain white van has recently been graphically enhanced with colourful logos, Facebook and contact details at the very reasonable cost of £400. Having previously pondered and been advised against such action with a couple of my failed businesses, I was intrigued to know how effective the graphicisation (?….) has been. He says the business is flying with a full order book up to November and with over £9,000 worth of orders being directly attributable to the decorated van. That’s got to be pretty effective marketing in terms of bangs for your buck.
Talking of bucks, Callie (the whippet lurcher) is over the moon to be reunited with her family after a tiring week in kennels. She’s even more thrilled that she was able to have a good run on the Downs today, which included her favourite activity of chasing a deer, or buck as they call them in South Africa. However Mrs T was a bit alarmed when she realised that Callie had caused the little Bambi to become entangled in some barbed wire fencing. Fortunately passing cyclists had spotted the imbroglio and had firstly grabbed Callie and then freed the frightened fawn which frolicked off unharmed. Mrs T was given a right earful by the self-righteous pedallers, but she’s not one to back down. Thankfully I was transporting the son and heir to cricket at the time and avoided all confrontation.
Whilst listening to Radio 4 a little later I learned of another major downside of Lockdown and social abstinence. You may be unaware that there is a hormone called Oxytocin that is secreted by the posterior lobe of the pituitary gland, a pea-sized structure at the base of the brain. It’s released into the bloodstream in response to the stretching of a woman’s cervix and uterus during labour and with the stimulation of the nipples from breastfeeding to help with birth, bonding with the baby and milk production. However, it’s known too as the “cuddle” or “love” hormone as it’s also released when people snuggle up or bond socially. The lack of cuddling and bonding amongst friends means there’s now a world shortage of oxytocin. As yet, I haven’t heard BoJo’s scientific advisers going on about this, but surely it’s only a matter of time? Will the Unions threaten strike action? Will Michel Barnier refuse to talk unless oxytocin is freely available on both sides of the channel? Will Prince Andrew claim he was merely increasing his oxytocin levels? Is the Duchess of Sussex suffering from an overdose of oxytocin? There are so many unanswered questions which once again the scientists will be called upon to unravel.
It’s a helluva lot less complicated and probably much more profitable being a heating engineer. I will recommend to Oliver to forget University, just do a plumbing apprenticeship. Neighbour Rob will undoubtedly need an assistant by then.
ADayInTheStrifeOf 