Whilst most of us have been hyper-ventilating about the cost of living, inflation, the war in Ukraine, mourning our late Queen, the imminent destruction of our planet as the globe warms and, for some, how to maintain stress at sensible levels as our teenage children plough a reckless furrow, uninterested in sage parental advice; while most of us have been so pre-occupied, a group of scientists have been trawling through the data to come up with a truly earth-shattering statistic. Apparently and we must add that there is some uncertainty as to the true figure as the data from Africa and Asia is somewhat incomplete, (nothing new there then!), apparently, there are 20,000,000,000,000,000 ants on earth; that’s twenty quadrillion (unless you’re British). That equates roughly to two and a half million ants per human. I knew it was bad when we were outnumbered by rats (the little furry variety), but this latest intelligence has me shivering in my pyjamas. But then if you consider how many ants’ nests there are in one’s garden it really shouldn’t be so surprising. The thing I find a bit more worrying is that the authors of this report are presumably highly intelligent, well-paid scientists who have spent many hours/days/weeks/months…years even, trawling through a mass of data and to what end. Is this knowledge going to frighten Pootin into submission? Will it deter the polar ice-cap from going liquid? Will it enable the Fed or the Bank of England to lower interest rates again? I fear not. But rest easy in your bed in the comforting knowledge that once we’re gone there will probably still be plenty of ants left.
What might be of greater concern in the near term, for those of us based on this Sceptred Isle, is that we now having biting spiders. I reckon I’ve gone for seventy years without being bitten by a spider here. (Australia and Africa are a different matter!). My son and daughter both suffer from arachnophobia and I am constantly being summoned late at night to come and exterminate this “enormous, hairy beast that’s only intent on biting me”. I have constantly mocked them and told them not to be so silly. “Spiders are harmless and they’re much more frightened of you than vice versa”. However……. I have now been bitten THREE times this summer by the eight-legged little blighters on various parts of my anatomy, including one on my left wrist that became really quite sore and inflamed and lasted for many days. Apparently, (I rely on that word quite a lot, seemingly) in this inter-connected world, all sorts of miscreants, including vicious spiders, are now being imported amongst all the fruit and veg and other stuff that we ship in from China, Australia, Africa, and South America; in fact all points east and west (and south) that breed the dastardly arachnoids. I learned recently that far from it being just ticks that can give you Lyme disease, this particularly nasty affliction, along with other co-infections, can also be implanted in your unsuspecting body by spiders and other insects. It’s rapidly becoming a plague that the medical profession at large has so far failed to appreciate. When, I wonder will Moderna and Pfizer be called into action to ‘cure’ the world of this terrifying (potential) epidemic? Don’t hold your breath. By the way, if you do suffer an assault by one of these vicious munchers, Tea Tree oil, or Melaleuca Alternifolia, is very effective at reducing the inflammation and itchiness when a drop of two is applied to the affected area. (Available at all good chemists…….GOOD chemists)
I probably should have stopped there, but as my other duty this morning is deep-cleaning the kitchen and bathroom I shall tarry at the typewriter a touch longer. (Of course it’s not a typewriter but ‘laptop’ would’ve spoiled the alliteration.) Amongst all the other bad news that has bedevilled the household this week, my delicious cup of proper coffee each morning has been replaced by a depressingly bland ‘instant’ substitute, owing to the terminal failure of my Bialetti percolator. I had stupidly assumed that these cunning Italian devices would last for ever. Not so. After only five years mine must now be dispatched to the scrapyard and for a few frustrating days while a replacement is found, despatched, ignored by striking postal workers, returned to the Post Office because no one is in, I must suffer the unsatisfying experience of a cup of Nescafe. True coffee lovers everywhere will share my irritation, I’m sure.
ADayInTheStrifeOf 